Desperate & Dating

Times have changed. Technology has evolved, but people's social interactions have de-volved. The traditional values and etiquette of yester-year have almost completely disappeared. The concept of going on a date sounds foreign to most ears because so few people have an old-fashioned romance anymore. Dating is even harder when you throw in the reality of being gay in a straight world.

Most gay men are seeking sex with each flirtation, if both players are men, then what's stopping them? In a world where sex before a relationship is the norm, how are the few who want a relationship supposed to date? If every player goes right for the goal, how are we supposed to enjoy the game?

In my experience as a young gay man, most guys my age only want sex. While I can understand being in your prime and wanting to hump every cute guy that catches your purple eye, I wonder why more of them don't want something deeper? I'm not prude by any sense, but if I had a choice between sex with the same amazing man every time, or someone always different, I would go with my man!

Unfortunately, I don't have a man. However, I'm always on a quest to find an amazing man to fulfill my desires. So far without any luck. I have gone on several first dates, and a handful of second dates. Even though gay guys don't seem to date much, they will give it a try with the hope of getting lucky that night. They think that if they indulge the romantic in me, that I will satisfy the horn-dog in them. Fair warning to you if this sounds like your resume, but I can spot these guys very quickly, even through a message online. Which is precisely why I have gone on so many dates; if I begin to suspect you are grabbing for more than the bill, then no second date for you.

The uncountable amounts of dates have taken a toll on my psyche. After a while I began to lower my standards, they weren't that high to begin with, but there were a couple things I was willing to throw out. Now my standards are right where they should be–at a normal healthy level. While the people in my life tell me I shouldn't settle because I'm a great catch, I can't help and wonder if my looming desperation is causing me to overlook a few flaws? Some, maybe, that shouldn't be swept under the rug.

So in my journey to find "my guy", the desperation to be with someone makes me wonder if I'm playing make-believe. Is he really out there? Or should I focus on the guy in front of me who seems "good enough"? If there's no spark, should I try to make this work? Is desperation stronger than chemistry?

Hopefully I will find out soon,
Until next time...

~city boi

Tongue-Tied (and not in a good way)

When you like someone, how do you know? Do you get excited when you think about them? Or are you extra nice to them? When we're young, the trend is to be mean. Kids often tease and taunt the ones they have a crush on. So how do those flirting rituals transform as we get older?

I for one have discovered my own pattern of behavior when I become interested in someone. I noticed that I do the same thing as when I don't like someone; I avoid them. Counter-intuitive, I know, but my initial reaction is to duck and hide and avoid being seen at all costs. My excitement takes over, I suddenly have no idea how to hold up my end of a conversation, and I'm terribly afraid of making a fool of myself. But sometimes you have to bite the bullet and just go for it, jump in, and hope for the best.

Today the guy I've had my eye on for a while caught me, and before I could even think of what to say, he was already asking if he could stop by sometime. Of course I said yes! And luckily he was headed somewhere, so I didn't have to think of something clever to say. The initial setup is always hardest for me, I'm great on dates, and excellent when you get to know me, but talking to someone new has always been a challenge. So for all those people who struggle with flirting, this one's for you. I'm going to pursue this new opportunity and see what happens.

But a new question arises, what do I say when we're having a real one-on-one conversation? Like kids on the playground, are we just supposed to make it up as we go?